Yet, Good
by iwouldgetaniguana
Summary: Six relationships. Four people. Two bodies. One answer to find. Vacations are not always relaxing. Especially for Super Soldiers. [Set after Season 2, before the movie.]
A/N: My geography. Is not.

Sorry about that. In my defense, the canon is super vague.

Whatever – symbolism.

ooooooooo

"How much farther to the summit?"

"Five kilometers. Stop complaining."

Allelujah huffs out a laugh, but complies. He walks behind Soma in silence as they make their way through dense forest, and thinks that it's not so tense between them now. It was, a week ago:

("Marie? Do you have the army knife?"

"Don't call me that!"

"What... Soma?"

"Yes, _that_ it my name. Where are we?"

"Uh."

"Well?"

"Marie and I are on a...hike. We're in some mountains right now."

"Mountains? Where?"

He passed her his handheld so that she could check the coordinates.

She startled. "The Human Reform League? Why?"

"It's where I'm from, originally. According to Veda." Allelujah looked at his feet. "I wanted to come here, and Marie decided to come with me."

Overhead, a squirrel jumped from the branch of one tree to another, scattering leaves into the air between them.

"Then why are we in the middle of nowhere? Wouldn't you want to be in a populated area if you want to see where it is you're from?"

"We're, uh. On a spiritual journey," he continued, looking back up at her. "At the moment. In these mountains. We're trying to understand ourselves, and our alternate personalities – " he flinched as her eyes narrowed, "uh... and figure out the answer to how we can live in a way that's true to who we are. All of us."

Silence.

"I suppose," Soma finally started, "that is logical. There are few people with our exact predicament, and it would be wise for us to adjust to our situation as discreetly as possible before trying to find a place in an independent armed organization, or society in general. But then, is that not what all of Celestial Being has to do now?"

Allelujah smiled, sad, but not quite exactly. "Yeah."

Soma looked ahead. "Alright. What's our next destination?")

It is two hours later, according to Allelujah's wrist watch, when the ground evens out and the trees thin. Half an hour later, the trees end like curtains parting, and finally Soma stops with a soft, "oh."

Allelujah comes up beside her just in time to see the last of the sun as it paints the sky orange, the valleys and hills far below all tinted violet as they go on and on and on.

"Not bad," he says.

From the corner of his eye, he swears he sees her smile, but does her the courtesy of not turning to check.

ooooo

Light falls through the trees and onto the fallen trunk on which she sits.

 _Dear Soma,_

 _I had Allelujah pass this letter to you because I wanted to talk to you. It's unfair, don't you think, that we don't get to talk?_

 _I know you resent me. I'm sorry. I know that you wanted to live and fight with the Colonel, our father, and I know you didn't initially choose this life for your own. But you have made it your own, I feel. As I watch you walk these paths, and fight your own enemies, I can feel the attachments you have formed with others, and I think they're beautiful. I hope that you and I can have a relationship like that, too._

The wind picks up, and leaves rustle over her head like the crashing of waves. It sets the light scurrying across the paper she reads.

 _Perhaps we can write each other letters. Allelujah has agreed to help us by passing them along. I know he annoys you – but please understand; he was only trying to protect me. Because once upon a time, all we had was each other. I myself despise fighting, and hate that he feels he has to do it. But I have to accept that about him, just as he has to accept that about you. Please, accept him, too._

 _What I want to know is, what do you want? Because I can feel you are confused. So am I. Do you think we can find the answer together?_

 _Yours,_

 _Marie_

Perhaps, she thinks. She looks up, through the branches above her (the wind is calmer again), and can make out pieces of blue sky beyond them.

ooooo

"Hurry it up," Soma snaps over her shoulder, already twenty feet away from Hallelujah, who is standing at the cliff's edge, staring at the moon as the horizon turns grey.

Hallelujah turns to leer at her across the rocky expanse. "You asking me to kick your ass?"

"Like I couldn't kick yours," Soma retorts.

"You think you could? You think you came out so perfect you can go up against _me_?"

"If anyone could, I can," Soma's voice is steady, her eyes narrow. "But I'm also likely to be the only true ally you'll ever have, besides Allelujah."

Hallelujah snarls, kicking small rocks aside as he makes his way towards her. "So you're on board with him then? Killing and killing in the interest of no one else killing each other? Don't tell me you can't see the irony."

"They made us into weapons, we can't change that. But we can choose where to aim."

"Oh, so you think you're a philosopher now?"

Soma doesn't respond, and for the next fifteen minutes, the only sounds are the clacks of pebbles under their feet, until, suddenly, the other end of the forest appears. Soma ploughs back in, following the path without hesitation, but Hallelujah stops, leans back to look at the moon again.

"You really think you could put up with me? That Marie can really put up with you? Allelujah keeps yapping about finding a balance with me or some bullshit, but you're not as much of a pansy as he is, so tell me – what are you hoping to achieve here?"

Soma looks back at him for a good minute from under the trees. "Aren't you tired of fighting your own body? If you have to fight, wouldn't you rather fight someone else, and be on the same side as Allelujah?"

Hallelujah's eyes narrow. "We're too different. It will never work."

"So the ultimate Super Soldier can't even tell the difference between friend and foe?" Soma asks, eyebrow raised, then turns and walks into the gloom of the woods.

Hallelujah stares after her a moment, then back up at the moon, but finally follows her into the trees.

ooooo

"You've been Hallelujah for a while now," Marie tries, hesitant, as she crouches to refill her canteen. Sunlight beams through the trees across the stream, but it doesn't quite reach them on this side of the water's edge. "Longer than you ever have before."

"Aw," Hallelujah acts like he's pouting. "And here I thought we were trying to get to know each other. Sick of me already?"

Marie shakes her head. "No, of course not. But if I'm honest, I...I just worry about Allelujah."

"Of course you do. Because I'm only the parasite possessing his body, isn't that right?" Hallelujah mocks, and Marie wonders why he tries so hard to make everyone hate him.

"Because I always worry about him," she says.

Hallelujah stands over her, sneering, but she will not be frightened. This can work. She will find a way to make it work.

"A-dorable," he drawls.

"I worry about you, too," she continues.

He stiffens, then raises an eyebrow.

"I worry that you're trying to keep Allelujah locked up so that you can stay in control because you think he won't let you back, but that's not – "

"You're such a hypocrite!" he explodes, sending a flock of birds scattering into the sky. "You keep Soma locked up just the same! You think she's just a sick mutation forced on you by sadists in white lab coats. Face it, if you could get rid of her, you would."

Marie balks, standing to face him. "I – I would never do that!"

"Yes you would. She takes over your body without your permission, makes it do things you don't want to do, keeps it away from your precious prince charming – "

"It doesn't have to be that way."

Hallelujah stills again, for half a second, then smirks. "I don't think that's how threesomes work, sweetheart."

She blushes, but stares him down. "I meant that she and I could come to an agreement about who gets to be the dominant personality when."

"Still sounds like a sex thing," Hallelujah sing-songs.

"Because you know all about that," she counters.

He growls – she's got him there and they both know it. "It's cute how you can point that out while still being so naive. You really think you and Soma can just 'work it out'? You can't talk to her so you don't know, but that's not how it works. It's not an agreement, it's a _fight_ , every time."

Marie lets sadness into her voice. "You don't _want_ to fight him though."

A beat passes.

"I don't want to fight with Soma," Marie continues. "She has just as much right to exist as I do. But we can't keep on going the way we were before. We're getting to know each other, making space for each other. So we can live together."

"And hold hands around the campfire?"

Marie slowly reaches out, taking both of Hallelujah's hands gently in her own, and he's a statue. A cloud passes by overhead, diming the light around them.

"I hope," she says, squeezing his hands and praying he sees her sincerity, "that we can be like that, too, someday, you and I. But for now, you need to deal with the hurt that's lurking inside of you."

" _Hurt_?" He cackles, pulling his hands away. "Sweetheart, I don't _get_ hurt."

She shakes her head. "You forget that you are with the only people who actually understand. We're all hurt. Of course we are."

ooooo

 _Will you lay off Marie._

Leaning against a large trunk like this, Hallelujah can pretend that Allelujah's voice comes from the other side of the tree; that they are back-to-back in the darkness, each just as real as the other.

"Trying to be her knight in shining armour? To protect her from all perils?"

 _I want to. But I can't. She's her own person and has to make her own decisions._

"A-fucking-dorable. But she isn't a person, is she? She's a Super Soldier – two little freaks sharing a brain. Which will you protect?"

 _Neither. That is...I will fight alongside her as her comrade, whether she is fighting as Soma or trying to help people as Marie._

"My little shit-face is all grown up."

Silence. Hallelujah waits. Sometimes, Allelujah stops answering him. Just gives up.

 _For the longest time, you were all I had._

Hallelujah stills.

 _You were the only one protecting me, the only one who cared whether I lived or died. That's not the case anymore, but I still need you. I'm better with you. Or I can be._ Could _be, if you'd help me, instead of turning us into a crazed maniac intent only on destroying everything that isn't us._

"What's in it for me?"

 _I'll stop shutting you out. I'll listen to you and acknowledge you as a part of me._

"You think I want that?"

 _It's all you've ever wanted._

He can't lie to Allelujah. They share a brain. And also – it's Allelujah. "That, and to kill everyone," he thinks.

Allelujah chuckles. _Yeah, ok. I'd let you kill some people. That'd still be part of our job._ He means purpose.

Hallelujah stares at the tree opposite him. It's not a bad deal.

ooooo

"Allelujah?"

He turns his head to the side to see Marie's face bathed in the firelight. "Yeah?"

"Why do you suppose I am aware of Soma's actions, but can't ever talk with her, whereas you and Hallelujah are able to communicate with each other whenever you want?" Her hands clench around her knees. "Soma doesn't even remember anything that I do."

Allelujah looks at her for a moment before his gaze turns back to their campfire. "I don't know." He sighs and leans on his hands to look up at the stars. Gemini is just visible between the trees. "I don't think we'll ever know how they did what they did to us." The fire crackles. "I wonder which is better?"

"Better?"

"Sharing everything with your alter-ego, or having your own space."

Marie watches him for a minute, before leaning into him and placing her head on his shoulder. "I think maybe you are less lonely, and I am more sure of myself."

"Lonely, huh?" Allelujah sighs like a small dam bursting. "When Hallelujah was gone...it wasn't right. Without him, I think the fight just goes out of me." He pauses. "I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I felt...alone. For the first time." He shifts to put an arm around her. "I hate to think of you feeling that way."

She reaches up to squeeze his hand. "I get lonely," she admits. "But I don't question myself the way you do. Neither does Soma. I hate to think of how you feel depreciated, talking to him."

Allelujah hums. "We're not really any closer to finding an answer, are we?"

"Perhaps..." Marie hesitates. "Perhaps we should stop looking for an answer, and just keep looking for a path."

"A path?"

"One that we can all walk on, the four of us." Her lips pull up. "I think we're getting there, walking together like this, even if we still have so many questions."

Allelujah leans his cheek on top of her head.

"Maybe searching for the answer is more important than actually having it, sometimes," she continues.

"We're never going to eliminate conflict if we don't have an answer for how to do that," he counters.

"But the first step is to try searching for one." Her voice is gaining confidence. "We won't stop fighting with ourselves until we all agree to try. We can't eliminate wars if there are people who still want to fight them. But if everyone starts searching for answers, then maybe we'll have one someday." She pauses. "I think it's starting. I think people around the world are starting to look."

"Everyone's searching for an answer, huh?" Allelujah muses. He smiles. "Does that make _us_ just like everyone else then? Trying to find a way to live, and doing it together."

She smiles and lifts her head to meet his eyes. "Allelujah."

ooooooooo

A/N: I am on a role with lyric titles – this one is from Taylor Swift's 'Out of the Woods'.


End file.
